Excuse me, may I be Frank?

aliexplainsitall: Look what I found… It’s like I hit the...

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:42:57 -0400

Look what I found… It’s like I hit the jackpot. Not only do we…

A. need a new car.

but

B. Our wedding anniversary is right around the corner.

I mean who wouldn’t die to have the car that was in Huey’s “Pop, Lock and Drop it” video.

My husband’s going to love this. Everyone will recognize us when we roll into Columbia driving this baby.

Finders keepers.

Our water fountains are outside the restroom doors at work. It's normal that I quickly pull my cup out of the stream of water when I hear someone flush the toilet because I believe their poop and pee will get in my water flow, right?

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 11:44:03 -0400

Right?

leftbrainright: Brilliant! via

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:44:04 -0400

leftbrainright:

Brilliant!

via

buetkween: (via loveshot)

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 19:26:56 -0400

buetkween:

(via loveshot)

Last Confession on Confession Day: I have 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:01:04 -0400

Just kidding. I’m about to bust outta this joint and leave for a week of vacation. Holla ninjas! Goodbye tumblarity. It was cool to see you raise from a 4 to a 5 this past week.

Confession 14: My balls aren't as big as the balls I tell everyone else they should have.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:33:34 -0400

I’m a hypocrite. So I live vicariously through others. This goes back to me being sure that I would appear to be the better child if I had a brother or sister. Minus the whole always being wastey faced thing. Plus I cuss too much and I don’t technically have feelings, but on the positive side of things: I’m very nice, I always smell good, and I am a pseudo-intellectual. I’m also cool as shit, so there’s that.

Confession 13: I keep a flask of Maker's Mark in my bottom desk drawer.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:25:06 -0400

Just kidding… Maybe.

Confession 12: I do not like the color pink.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:23:37 -0400

If I must be girly, I choose purple.

Confession 11: Sometimes I can feel my puppy trying to wake me up to take him outside to go pee, but I pretend to still be asleep until he gives up.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:20:00 -0400

I’m tired. Shhhh.

Confession 10: When you say, "It is what it is," I want to die.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:07:13 -0400

Because of-fucking-course it is. What in the hell else would it be if it wasn’t what it was? You are just talking to hear yourself talk. Shut up.

Confession 9: I do not care about the details of your wedding.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:05:45 -0400

I only want to see your dress and judge your center pieces and confirm that there will be a mint julep fountain.

Confession 8: I think I might finally be an adult.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:24:34 -0400

I’m frugal, I RSVP to shit, I send money in cards to cousins turning seven or graduating from something, I have scheduled laundry and cleaning days, I am less awkward around small children, I am respectfully punctual, I’m developing a filter between my brain and my mouth, and I don’t really feel too much like a giant bag of douche if I stay home on an occasional Friday night (so long as I get blackout drunk the following Saturday, of course).

shutupweirdo: mtobey: willzone: mtobey: :,( on Twitpic this...

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:55:30 -0400

shutupweirdo:

mtobey:

willzone:

mtobey:

:,( on Twitpic

this is great. i would like to beleive that i started this trend.

I tell myself the meme was born here, but Mark Twain probably invented it.

"Heeeeeeeeeere’s Farrahhhhhh!” “Heeeeeeeeeere’s Michaellllll!” God: “Dammit Ed. Cut it out."

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:32:13 -0400

““Heeeeeeeeeere’s Farrahhhhhh!”
“Heeeeeeeeeere’s Michaellllll!”
God: “Dammit Ed. Cut it out.””

- Twitter / Mike Monteiro (via nickdouglas) (via caro)

Confession 7: I am sorry, but gladiator sandals are ridiculous.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:26:13 -0400

I feel like in 2019, it will be like looking back on tight-rolled jeans and we’ll say, “Shit, did we really think that was flattering and cool? We are lame.”

leftbrainright: danndunn: Yikes. Definition of true...

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:06:48 -0400

leftbrainright:

danndunn:

Yikes.

Definition of true love.

HAHA.

Confession 6: I am annoyed by people who say they are terrified of clowns.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:06:19 -0400

Yes, the clowns are somewhat creepy but come on, you’re not fucking six. And when was the last time you read about a clown ass raping and killing someone in a dark alley? There are cooler things to be afraid of.

Confession 5: I wish I wasn't an only child. I like to think I'd be the favorite if I had a brother or sister.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:03:09 -0400

Whether it be because I really am better, or because I sabotage him/her.

Confession 4: I can't fucking count.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:49:09 -0400

I had two Confession 3s.

Confession 3: I listen to rap music loudly, but I turn it down at stoplights so I won't be judged.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:38:41 -0400

Just like that Indian guy at the beginning of the movie Office Space.