Excuse me, may I be Frank?

This blog is probably going to rock your face off for a good solid week. Then I will get tired of it and find something better to do, like read recipes for biscuits and gravy or learn new porn sites. Also, it seems it's been more than a week now (two to be exact) so I established an e-mail address for feedback. If you want to give me ideas (and by ideas I mean approval and declarations of jealousy) or that recipe for biscuits and gravy, please do so at excusememayibefrank@yahoo.com.

aliexplainsitall:

Look what I found… It’s like I hit the jackpot. Not only do we…

A. need a new car.

but

B. Our wedding anniversary is right around the corner.

I mean who wouldn’t die to have the car that was in Huey’s “Pop, Lock and Drop it” video.
My husband’s going to love this. Everyone will recognize us when we roll into Columbia driving this baby.
Finders keepers.

aliexplainsitall:

Look what I found… It’s like I hit the jackpot. Not only do we…

A. need a new car.

but

B. Our wedding anniversary is right around the corner.

I mean who wouldn’t die to have the car that was in Huey’s “Pop, Lock and Drop it” video.

My husband’s going to love this. Everyone will recognize us when we roll into Columbia driving this baby.

Finders keepers.

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Our water fountains are outside the restroom doors at work. It's normal that I quickly pull my cup out of the stream of water when I hear someone flush the toilet because I believe their poop and pee will get in my water flow, right?

Right?

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leftbrainright:

Brilliant!
via

leftbrainright:

Brilliant!

via

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buetkween:

(via loveshot)

(via loveshot)

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Last Confession on Confession Day: I have 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

Just kidding. I’m about to bust outta this joint and leave for a week of vacation. Holla ninjas! Goodbye tumblarity. It was cool to see you raise from a 4 to a 5 this past week.

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Confession 14: My balls aren't as big as the balls I tell everyone else they should have.

I’m a hypocrite. So I live vicariously through others. This goes back to me being sure that I would appear to be the better child if I had a brother or sister. Minus the whole always being wastey faced thing. Plus I cuss too much and I don’t technically have feelings, but on the positive side of things: I’m very nice, I always smell good, and I am a pseudo-intellectual. I’m also cool as shit, so there’s that.

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Confession 13: I keep a flask of Maker's Mark in my bottom desk drawer.

Just kidding… Maybe.

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Confession 12: I do not like the color pink.

If I must be girly, I choose purple.

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Confession 11: Sometimes I can feel my puppy trying to wake me up to take him outside to go pee, but I pretend to still be asleep until he gives up.

I’m tired. Shhhh.

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Confession 10: When you say, "It is what it is," I want to die.

Because of-fucking-course it is. What in the hell else would it be if it wasn’t what it was? You are just talking to hear yourself talk. Shut up.

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Confession 9: I do not care about the details of your wedding.

I only want to see your dress and judge your center pieces and confirm that there will be a mint julep fountain.

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Confession 8: I think I might finally be an adult.

I’m frugal, I RSVP to shit, I send money in cards to cousins turning seven or graduating from something, I have scheduled laundry and cleaning days, I am less awkward around small children, I am respectfully punctual, I’m developing a filter between my brain and my mouth, and I don’t really feel too much like a giant bag of douche if I stay home on an occasional Friday night (so long as I get blackout drunk the following Saturday, of course).

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shutupweirdo:

mtobey:

willzone:

mtobey:
:,( on Twitpic
this is great. i would like to beleive that i started this trend.

I tell myself the meme was born here, but Mark Twain probably invented it.

mtobey:

willzone:

mtobey:

:,( on Twitpic

this is great. i would like to beleive that i started this trend.

I tell myself the meme was born here, but Mark Twain probably invented it.

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“ Heeeeeeeeeere’s Farrahhhhhh!”
“Heeeeeeeeeere’s Michaellllll!”
God: “Dammit Ed. Cut it out. Twitter / Mike Monteiro (via nickdouglas) (via caro)

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Confession 7: I am sorry, but gladiator sandals are ridiculous.

I feel like in 2019, it will be like looking back on tight-rolled jeans and we’ll say, “Shit, did we really think that was flattering and cool? We are lame.”

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